That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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