A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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