I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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