i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I need a beard to bite.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
