just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
