I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Say something about gay babies.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
