I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
