Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
