All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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