homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
