I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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