i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
