I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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