She's JV to your varsity
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
