Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
