Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
