he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
