Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
