epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
pray to the hookup gods
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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