Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
