I just made out with a guy for $7.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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