Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
