seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
