i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize