and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
