I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
