Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
