you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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