Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
