At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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