Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
