I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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