Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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