you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
