1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
