i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
