i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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