Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
