I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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