This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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