before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
