the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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