Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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