I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
