I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
