I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
