we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The Olympian is in my bed
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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