Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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