his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
