She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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