We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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