You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
