her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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