last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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