im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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