Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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