THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize