i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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