just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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