We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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