Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
