either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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