Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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