Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
where are my eyebrows?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
