How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
