i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
