She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
