If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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