My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
