just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize