it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
